When someone firmly establishes a boundary, that’s part of what we’d call being assertive. These qualities go hand in hand. For a lot of folks, it’s the hardest thing to do and we practice doing so in recovery. In contrast, there are totally those who don’t have a problem with voicing their opinions and clearly stating their boundaries but it can come across as pretty aggressive. I don’t consider the “aggressive” way of interacting assertive. In fact, it’s the other side of the same issue as not speaking up enough. That’s why I say 100% of people struggle with assertiveness because it comes from one side or another.

Our emotions — including anger — are here for a reason. They’re trying to communicate something, and if we can learn to understand them, we will be more satisfied. We’ll explore the purpose of anger, ways to use anger productively, and how to communicate your boundaries. Learn more about eating disorder therapy and treatment in NYC and Brooklyn at rachelleheinemann.com.

Marissa Sappho is the founder and clinical director of Aurora Center in New York City which is an outpatient mental health clinic specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. Marissa is a Board Certified psychoanalyst, a certified eating disorder specialist, and supervisor. She is part of the faculty, supervisor, and member of the board at the Center for Study of Anorexia Bulimia in New York City, the oldest nonprofit training and treatment center for eating disorders in that country. She has also presented on eating disorders nationally and internationally at major conferences, and is the co-chair of the special interest group, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy through the Academy for Eating Disorders. In this episode, Marissa helps us further understand the importance of setting boundaries and how we can effectively assert ourselves to help improve our relationship with people and food.