The Best Advice You’ll Ever Get
Advice is never universal or one-size-fits-all.
Believe it or not, an eating disorder has a purpose.
This post is for you if you’re the kind of person who reads or hears someone give advice and you think, “Should I do that?” and you always implement it (or think you should).
Let’s be real: how many of you are searching online for “how to be healthy” or “ways to lose weight” and read about that one secret food that will change EVERYTHING? Yeah, so many of us have fallen trap to that.
The truth is that this is going to happen your entire life. Everyone is going to have an opinion – especially the internet and marketing people – and you’ll get advice about food, money, relationships… everything.
So what kind of advice — food advice or otherwise — should we take, and what should we ignore?
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Food and Movement Advice
Movement and food advice is passed out ALL the time. Maybe you read an article entitled “3 Things I Did to Lose Weight This Year.” Or maybe a friend posts on social media “If you cut out dairy, then you will have THIS result.”
Now, some of you roll your eyes at the idea that chia seeds could change your life 🙄 But the marketing people also have sneaky ways of putting ideas in our heads.
Example: someone posts about having several small meals throughout the day instead of 3 big meals, and they’re recommending others do this to feel satisfied and lose weight. Sounds pretty reasonable, right?
Here’s the thing: they don’t know you. So they don’t know what could be good for you. And you don’t know them! You don’t know what the rest of their lifestyle looks like. It’s not the full story.
Advice from Professionals
I think it gets even trickier when doctors, dietitians, and other medical professionals give generalized movement and food advice. They (hopefully) give advice that’s based in science, so it’s hard to say it doesn’t apply.
But for instance, I’ve had medical professional guests that have stated that increasing your veggie and fruit intake while increasing your movement are proven to help you stay healthy. This is GENERALLY true.
The problem is that it might not apply to you. You could be having a lot of salad in your diet, in which case, increasing your veggies is NOT a good idea for you. You could be working out a lot… and “work out more” is terrible advice for you.
So when you think about taking someone’s advice, even when they’re the most qualified person… remember they are not giving advice based on an assessment of your situation. They are giving very general advice. They probably don’t even know you.
And if you’re already doing something that works for you, like eating foods you know work for you and your family, then changing that is also bad advice.
You Know Yourself
It’s hard to go against what seems like sound advice from a professional. But just know this: advice, no matter who it comes from, is not etched in stone. You’re the one who knows your relationship with food best. YOU are the first person who needs to say what goes. Nobody else.
This requires assertion of yourself. I hope you can use this episode to boost yourself up – because YOU know when something isn’t working. For instance, you might work out everyday. Instead of increasing your movement, cutting out exercise for a month might actually be ideal for you.*
Bottom line? If someone is giving you food or exercise advice without knowing every single part of your relationship with food and movement… at the very least, red flag it. 🚩
*work with a professional (therapist, dietitian, etc.) who specializes in disordered eating to help make these decisions.
Other Advice
We can move past the food and movement aspect and apply this idea to any kind of advice.
Recovery
If you’re in recovery, for example, and someone says: “This is how you do recovery. You have to go to a higher level of care. Go to an IOP and then step down to a therapist and then you need to work with this specific person, and then you have to do meds.”
Is that true? Maybe. But does this person know your situation? Your inner thoughts, your financial situation, and your past experience with this?
If the answer is “yes,” then that’s one thing. But if they don’t know all of it, then they don’t have a place to advise you.
Another example: I love the idea of tracking behaviors to tell a story and help inform next steps in recovery. If you work with a dietitian, they might have you track your food, movement, and mood before and after eating. That gives you a better idea of what’s going on so you can decide if it’s bingeing, restricting, how it relates to your inner experience, and so on.
But you could be the type of person who tracks EVERYTHING. You have your Apple watch, Fitbit, and spreadsheets. You could tell me exactly what you ate last Tuesday. If that’s you, tracking more may be a terrible idea.
Another one: I’m a huge fan of journaling – but if you’re the type of person who writes and writes and it just makes you more angry, then maybe it’s time for a break. When it comes to therapy and recovery, there truly is no one-size-fits-all.
If you’ve been here a while, you know my hangups about manualized treatment approaches and how psychoanalytic treatment is incorporated into my signature approach. I don’t see therapy as a one-size-fits-all process. If someone tells you CBT is the only way to recover, it really doesn’t mean that’s what will be beneficial for you.
Money
For people struggling with disordered eating, this can sometimes be a big issue. Financial gurus, like Dave Ramsey, give you SO much concrete, black-and-white advice.
But the truth is, it works for some people and it REALLY doesn’t work for others. If someone tells you to save x amount each month, and only have one specific type of debt… Some of that could be good advice. But most money advice is not based on your personal history. (Insert debate about Dave Ramsey.)
Example: You buy a Starbucks latte every day, and a financial guru says it’s a frivolous expense you should cut immediately. You actually derive a lot of pleasure out of your Starbucks latte each day – so I’d say that $5 a day investment is a sound one, especially if it helps you feel pampered and not restricted.
You need to know yourself and your personal situation. Unless you’ve told someone all the inner workings of your mind, then they can’t tell you you’re doing something wrong. Recommendations and advice are never universal.
Who Is It Coming From?
When you’re taking advice, you also want to take into consideration who it’s coming from. Of course, you could listen a bit more to the people who have more qualifications – someone with a degree or a medical professional. That’s very different from a “health coach” with NO training under their belt.
But it’s also worth noting that people who have a certain kind of charisma should not be listened to inherently even though their energy commands authority. The kind of person who likes the sound of their own voice and is obsessed with themselves… You all know people like that.
Even if they have something valid to say, it doesn’t mean that you need to take their advice.
If you’re getting advice in a one-on-one conversation and you’re comfortable… you can always say something like, “That’s great, but no thanks.” Or if you don’t want to be that confrontational, you can stealthily say, “That sounds wonderful,” and switch the topic of conversation.
If you’re getting advice from something you saw on social media and you can’t get it out of your head… remember this: recommendations are never universal.
If you are struggling with disordered eating, you should probably not get ANY of your nutrition advice online or from others.
Ask yourself: would this content still say the same thing if they knew exactly what was going on for me? If the answer is probably not, then definitely don’t take their advice. If the answer is yes, maybe this is a sign for you to get more individualized help. ❤️
Newsletter update: If you’re not already signed up for my newsletter, then you need to – I’m ✨obsessed ✨ with it. In an effort to keep things fun and fresh, we’re going to monthly newsletters rather than weekly. If you have any feedback on what you want to see in the newsletters, reply back to one or send me a message!
Tweetable Quotes
“You might go to a doctor, or any provider, and whatever advice they give you is not etched in stone.” – Rachelle Heinemann
“If you know your relationship with food is either spot on, or it leaves a lot to be desired and you need less structure as opposed to more rules… you are the first person that needs to say what goes and comes. Not anybody else.” – Rachelle Heinemann
“You need to know you… and your personal situation. Unless they have some sort of eye into how your brain works… will not be able to tell you you’re doing something wrong.” – Rachelle Heinemann
“Recommendations and advice are never universal.” – Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
Understanding Disordered Eating Episodes:
42: How You Relationship with Money and Food are Connected with Lindsay Bryan-Podvin
More From Rachelle
Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.
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