Why do people keep secrets?!

The ability to keep secrets is actually a developmental milestone. As humans, we need a sense of our own mind; we all need a sense of privacy. When a child starts to have more of a sense of self, their capacity to keep secrets increases. Secrets are not inherently bad; it is quite a milestone.

The problem becomes when secret keeping is not solely for the purpose of having a bit of space to ourselves. When it becomes obvious to a kid that something bad is happening and they get implicit (or explicit) messages to keep things quiet. When it becomes clear to a child that sharing more of themselves is not welcome. Or, when a teen needs to assert themselves so loudly in order to let others know they’ve individuated when they feel smothered.

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