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The appeal of BetterHelp

In a nutshell, BetterHelp is like a subscription-based therapist. You sign up, you get a therapist, and if you don’t like them, you switch to someone new. You don’t have to stick it out with someone you don’t like, and you don’t have to wait for a session. They are always available to chat. 

The problem with BetterHelp, particularly among clinicians and mental health professionals, is that it’s not the same as traditional therapy. Yes, these platforms are typically much cheaper, like a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy. And yes, it is super convenient to chat with a therapist whenever you need. But ultimately, some argue that they fall short of delivering true therapeutic value. 

What is therapy, really?

So let’s first break down what therapy is, and what it isn't. 

Traditional therapy involves working through specific issues with a trained professional.* A lot of people think that it’s about resolving one issue and when the problem goes away they're done with therapy. They may think they simply “have” OCD, an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety, and they need the appropriate treatment administered.

Therapy is definitely not that simple. It’s so much more than giving a disorder a title and moving on. Please know that I don’t mean this in a condescending way, but most people who go to therapy for one reason, end up resolving more issues than the initial problem. 

When we actually walk through the door, we realize that either it's about a larger picture or it's about something else entirely.

If a platform like BetterHelp is treating therapy as a commodity or service like changing the parts of your car, they aren’t going to take any of this into account. 

I'm not saying that a BetterHelp therapist is not capable of helping with other unresolved issues. But, when you set yourself up with this model of therapy, you give yourself the opportunity to just move on if you don’t like the therapist you are working with. You don’t give yourself a chance to really look at some of the harder interpersonal challenges that need to be addressed. 

*Also note, I’m not saying that those who are employed by BetterHelp are not trained professionals. They are, and they totally get burned by this platform as well.

Interpersonal issues

Therapy can help individuals address deeper interpersonal challenges and patterns of interaction that affect their lives. These issues may not be addressed adequately with BetterHelp's model of easily switching therapists.

If someone, let's say, pisses you off, you may have the reaction to run away. If we allow that to happen in therapy, how will you ever work on what’s not serving you? 

During therapy, you find yourself immersed in a complex and distinctive interpersonal encounter where many of your interpersonal tendencies surface. In fact, the very essence of therapy often aims to address the emotional responses within you evoked by interpersonal exchanges with your therapist. The way that we know therapy is actually working is when you start to get pissed off with your therapist. The ability to address these difficult or uncomfortable situations is vital.

Why can’t you commit?

So back to the issue at hand - if you do get mad at your therapist, and you aren’t in a “committed relationship” with them, or feel like it's a good fit, then you just move on and find a new therapist within the BetterHelp platform. 

Here’s a real-life example: Let's say this is your dating life. You like someone, you really like someone, and then like randomly you don't like them. (Not so randomly, they probably did something hurtful but who can admit that.) So you dump them, move on, and then you’re left wondering why you haven't really created much of a connection with anyone. 

Ding ding ding - this is your red flag. 

Maybe you have a lot of things going on but I think the more important question is why does this happen? There’s no clear-cut answer, but by working with someone to break it down, you can find the answers you need.

However, with BetterHelp, you’ll never be able to figure out those answers. If you don’t like your therapist, you can jump ship quickly. 

When is it okay to call it quits?

Please know that I’m not saying you should stick with someone you truly do not click with because therapy does sort of feel like the matchmaker, but you can’t go in with the assumption that it won’t work out so you can just move on. 

I completely understand that many of you may have unfortunately had negative experiences with your therapists when you tell them that they upset you or you don’t feel like it’s working out. Honestly, it shouldn’t be this way. You should feel comfortable engaging in an open conversation that helps clarify your perspective on the therapeutic relationship. This can lead to a corrective experience, potentially involving an apology, a shift in their perspective, or even both. I genuinely hope that should you decide to discuss these issues with your therapist, they will be receptive and not become defensive.

It's important to note that there are numerous therapists who are willing to engage in constructive, non-defensive conversations with their clients. But if you don't ask them, if you don't push yourself to say the words, I will guarantee you that you will continue to act the way that you've been acting in the past. It will not help you.

Complexity of therapy

Traditional therapy is seen as more complex than just addressing a single issue. Therapy growth isn’t easily measured. If you are coming in for eating disorder therapy, but along the way you learn assertiveness, and accept your own imperfections and life’s imperfections, you are experiencing growth. Therapy often takes into account various aspects of a person's life, including relationships, self-esteem, motivation, and career, which might not be immediately obvious.

This happens when you allow yourself to commit to a relationship with your therapist, and not run away from things that feel hard in therapy. 

Healthy boundaries

Boundaries are put in place to preserve the longevity and integrity of the relationship. If your therapist cares about that relationship and your healing, then the boundaries are put in place to protect everyone. 

Traditional therapy is structured, with set session times and boundaries in place to create a safe, therapeutic environment. In contrast, platforms like BetterHelp's constant availability can blur these boundaries, potentially hindering the therapeutic process.

So when these online platforms are offering therapy all day, every day, 24/7, 365, then you can imagine the boundaries that are being pushed every day. Think about it - if you were getting constant messages from a client, all hours of the day, and probably not being reasonably compensated, chances are, you might be a little resentful. 

This isn’t helping anyone. If you become angry at that client, then you most likely won’t want to help them much anymore. 

But I’m not just referring to the therapist/client relationship. If you think about every single one of your relationships, outside of romantic relationships, like with your family, kids, friends, parents, etc., they all require boundaries for the relationship to survive. 

So if you are in constant communication with a therapist, you aren’t in a healing relationship. By embarking on a therapeutic journey, you are saying that you are going to work through things, and you need to be able to do that with somebody who has really solid boundaries.

The value of investment

Therapy is not always financially feasible for everyone. While some insurances do cover the costs, and some therapists offer sliding scales to help offset the cost of therapy, these options are not available to everyone. So the appeal of a subscription-based therapy is really high. 

But if you are only investing say $50 a month (totally making that number up), in your subscription therapy, then you really aren’t putting much into it. It’s easier to not be invested in your therapy journey when you are only paying a fraction of the cost of therapy, rather than paying per session. 

Ultimately, if you aren’t investing your time, your energy, and of course, your money, then you probably won't get much out of it. 

We haven’t even scratched the surface.

Clinicians who work for BetterHelp are anecdotally treated terribly and grossly underpaid. They are highly overworked, consumed with stress, and overall just not in an ideal situation. 

So be honest, Who do you want to be carrying your emotional burden and working through this healing process with you? An underpaid subscription-based therapist working towards your specific issues according to some boxes you checked, or an adequately compensated therapist who takes the time to get to know you, your past, and your true issues. 

Therapy is a journey that involves your time, commitment, and your willingness to explore complex issues. For those reasons alone, I don’t think BetterHelp is a better alternative to traditional therapy. 

Newsletter update: If you’re not already signed up for my newsletter, then I’m not sure what you’re waiting for! I’m ✨obsessed ✨ with it. In an effort to keep things fun and fresh, we’re going to monthly newsletters rather than weekly. If you have any feedback on what you want to see in the newsletters, reply back to one or send me a message!

Tweetable Quotes

"It's not actually therapy... It's cheaper, but it's not actually therapy." - Rachelle Heinemann

"Therapy is a lot more complex... It's about so much more than just the specific issue you're going for." - Rachelle Heinemann

"Therapy changes aren't necessarily measurable in the ways that you think they are." - Rachelle Heinemann

"If you're not investing in therapy, then you probably won't get much out of it." - Rachelle Heinemann

Related Episodes

Episode 86. Secrets and Eating Disorders with Dr. Kathryn Zerbe

Episode 81. What Do I Do About My Emotional Eating?

Episode 79. When Recovery Isn’t Quite Recovery At All

Episode 60. Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life with Jen Diaz

Episode 59. When It’s Not Working Out With Your Therapist

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