Lying, Deception, and Eating Disorders with Tom Wooldridge, PsyD, ABPP, FIPA, CEDS-S
From an early age, we’re taught that lying is bad. But, is it?
What drives someone to lie? Is all lying inherently bad? How does lying intersect with our internal struggles and vulnerabilities? These are just a few questions I had before my conversation with Tom.
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There are a lot of reasons as to why someone may lie. But here's the thing - lying isn't a black-and-white issue, especially when it comes to individuals grappling with eating disorders. There's a profound connection between lying, shame, and vulnerability in this context. It's not simply about pointing fingers and labeling behaviors as "bad." Rather, it's about understanding the nuanced role that lying can play as a coping mechanism and a means of self-protection.
In today's episode, Tom and I tackle the complex dynamics of lying and deception, particularly in the context of eating disorders. We're diving deep into the motivations behind dishonesty. From the protective nature of lying to its impact on relationships and treatment, we leave no stone unturned.
Tom Wooldridge, PsyD, ABPP, CEDS-S is Chair in the Department of Psychology at Golden Gate University as well as a psychoanalyst and board-certified, licensed psychologist. He has published journal articles and book chapters on topics such as eating disorders, masculinity, technology, and psychoanalytic treatment. He has written 3 books including, Understanding Anorexia Nervosa in Males (2016), Psychoanalytic Treatment of Eating Disorders: When Words Fail and Bodies Speak (2018), and Eating Disorders (New Introductions to Contemporary Psychoanalysis) (2022).
In addition, Dr. Wooldridge has been interviewed by numerous media publications including Newsweek, Slate, WebMD, and others for his work. He is on the Scientific Advisory Council of the National Eating Disorders Association, Faculty at the Psychoanalytic Institute of Northern California (PINC) and the Northern California Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology (NCSPP), an Assistant Clinical Professor at UCSF’s Medical School, and has a private practice in Berkeley, CA.
In this episode, we’re talking about:
The complexities and motivations behind lying, particularly with eating disorders.
The difference between sadistic lying (an aggressive, deliberate form of deception) and self-preservative lying (lying as a protective mechanism).
How lying can serve as a protective mechanism.
How past relational traumas can lead to a defensive stance of keeping others at a distance, including through lying.
Considering therapeutic approaches to address lying.
The challenges posed by severe lying behavior in the context of dangerous eating disorder behaviors.
The challenge of addressing delicate issues without being confrontational.
The complexity of encouraging weight gain in patients with eating disorders while respecting their fears and anxieties.
The importance of working as part of a treatment team.
Strategies for helping loved ones who may be struggling with eating disorders or other issues, balancing support with respect for their autonomy.
Building trust in relationships by fostering a non-judgmental, open atmosphere.
Understanding the moral nuances of lying, considering context and intention.
Prioritizing care and stability in communication, even if it involves gentle deception.
Recognizing the deeper meaning behind questions and addressing underlying concerns.
Tweetable Quotes
“How do we understand someone's relationship with the truth in a much more complex way as opposed to just saying ‘Well that's just someone's eating disorder.’” - Rachelle Heinemann
"Often people have a kind of outward presentation of indifference or commitment to whatever behavior they're engaged in. But maybe, just maybe there's ambivalence in there." - Tom Wooldridge
"You could say, well, there is a 0.5% chance that you'll die of the coronavirus. Well, that's just gonna make a kid anxious. What they need to hear is, no honey, it's gonna be okay." - Tom Wooldridge
"I don't rule out that [confrontation] could never be productive. But for most patients, most of the time, they're lying for reasons." - Tom Wooldridge
"Most of the time I would hope to get to a place where we could speak about the deception, but usually only after quite a bit of groundwork has been laid." - Tom Wooldridge
Resources
Grab the replay of my Basics of Assessment and Early Treatment of Eating Disorder Webinar
Connect with Tom here - www.tomwooldridge.com
Related Episodes
Episode 121. The Comparison Trap and Eating Disorders
Episode 119. Eating Disorders Don’t Have a Look
Episode 114. What Every Therapist Wished Psychiatrists Knew About Eating Disorders
Episode 99. Intuition, Decisions, and Food
Episode 90. How Do I Learn To Trust Myself? with Diane Barth
Episode 82. Secrets and Eating Disorders with Dr. Kathryn Zerbe
Episode 77. How to Accept Your Body
Episode 64. When Words Fail and Bodies Speak with Tom Wooldridge PsyD, ABPP, FIPA, CEDS-S
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