Today we're talking to Marissa Sappho about assertive boundaries. Marissa is the founder and clinical director of Aurora Center in New York City which is an outpatient mental health clinic specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. Marissa is a Board Certified psychoanalyst, a certified eating disorder specialist, and supervisor. She is part of the faculty, supervisor, and member of the board at the Center for Study of Anorexia Bulimia in New York City, the oldest nonprofit training and treatment center for eating disorders in that country. She has also presented on eating disorders nationally and internationally at major conferences, and is the co-chair of the special interest group, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy through the Academy for Eating Disorders. 

In this episode, Marissa helps us further understand the importance of setting assertive boundaries and how we can effectively assert ourselves to help improve our relationship with people and food. 

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Show Notes

[00:01 - 5:11] Opening Segment

• I introduce our guest for this episode

• The importance of setting assertive boundaries

• Physical boundaries

  1. Emotional boundaries

  2. Time boundaries

  3. Sexual boundaries

  4. Intellectual boundaries

  5. Material boundaries

  6. So many more types of boundaries

[05:12 - 48:14] The Importance of Asserting Your Own Boundaries

• Setting a separation between people

• Setting limits and avoiding people taking advantage of us

• Asserting your own needs is not mean

• Difficulty of parents tolerating feelings

• Parents must have a good sense of self

  1. Must learn when to separate from their child

  2. Most parents have intolerance for separateness and different opinions

  3. Sometimes results to disengaged families, emeshe families

• Overly rigid boundaries vs. not having boundaries

• The importance of being self aware in setting boundaries

• Boundaries are correlated with the level of trust

• Self esteem is part of your sense of self

• The concept of Stonewalling

• Communicate that you need space

  1. Do not shut people out

• Find a way to communicate your frustration

• Do not threaten the relationship

[48:15 - 49:12] Closing Segment 

• Connect with Marissa through the links below

• Final words

Resources Mentioned

​​www.gottman.com

Connect with Marissa Sappho on Instagram, or check out her website at www.auroracenternyc.com

Tweetable Quotes

“Without those boundaries, we have no idea where we start and stop; where the other person starts and stuff. And then this contributes to a whole host of problems.” - Marissa Sappho

“What I find a lot of times with folks with eating disorders, is they experience that in a hyper vigilant way, and in a way filled and loaded with guilt and responsibility that they have to constantly be attuning themselves to the other person to make sure that that person's okay.” - Marissa Sappho 

“People have a really hard time being tasked to be their own gatekeepers of their emotional space and emotional time.” - Marissa Sappho

More From Rachelle

Hey there! I’m Rachelle, the host of the Understanding Disordered Eating Podcast. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with clients to make sense of life’s messy emotional experiences.

I believe in the power of deep work and its positive impact on your life in the long term. Learn more about how we can work together here.

You can connect with me on Instagram, through my website or email me directly clicking the links below.

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