How to Accept Your Body
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Body Image
It’s possible to consume a ton of information about positive body image and nothing will change. Much of body image is shifting your fundamental mindset and beliefs. It’s about changing how you interact with the world – meaning your expectations for the world.
Part of how we enter this world is with an optimism for life. The problem is when we get those ideas from unreliable sources: from social media, movies, TV, influencers, and so on.
We KNOW these things aren’t always real. But it’s so difficult to integrate that into our deepest desires. It’s almost impossible to discern what’s real and what’s not when it’s information we’ve taken in as children.
For instance, if you grew up with Clueless (yes, that really old movie) or Gossip Girl, we can look back at it and say “None of that is reasonable.” The materialism, the bodies, and the expectations for what the world has for you are all not the average experience for most people. But it’s really hard as a kid or teenager to look at that and understand that your life probably won’t look like that.
The same goes for social media. We know that influencers mostly only show their best sides. But everything we’re seeing is perfect, so it’s really difficult to say “My life isn’t like that… and neither is theirs.”
Life rarely meets our expectations. So when we have unattainable body expectations presented to us over and over, it can take a toll on our body image.
The Cost
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “But it is attainable because I know some people who have a perfect body.” I’m not saying it’s always unattainable. I’m saying it’s attainable at a cost.
The question is: Is that something you’re willing to pay?
If you’re engaging in severe restriction to make your body smaller, this leads to mental and physical anguish and obsessions. That’s why people get treated for eating disorders. The vast majority of people don’t have the ability to have the “perfect body” you see in the media. But even if you are, are you willing to pay this cost?
If not, this often means pursuing contentment while accepting an imperfect body. Which is the most unglamorous thing ever.
Steps to Accept Your Body
Many people are very ambivalent about their body image. Meaning, people decide they want to work toward accepting their body because it’s too painful to live how they are living… but they also want to lose weight.
It’s a tug-of-war. You want to shrink your body, but you also want to accept your body. The first step toward acceptance without wanting to change your body is knowing which one is more important to you.
Once you decide accepting your body is a worthwhile goal, you need to remember that body image is so much more than just your body.
Think about the days you have really bad body image, especially if you’ve worked through a lot of eating disorder behavior stuff. You’re not currently in a constant bingeing/purging/restricting state, but you’re just having a bad body image day. Think about what else is going on in your life on those days. What else happened today, yesterday, last week? What’s going on with your relationships and circumstances? Something else could be upsetting you.
Then, think: Would changing anything else help my situation? I’m thinking about a client who was having a terrible body image day. She said “If I were rich, my body image wouldn’t matter so much.” Even she seemed surprised by that statement. Of course, there’s a lot to unpack in that. But if you can find the thing(s) that would make your body image better, that’s a good starting point to figuring out what your mind attaches to body image. Other examples would be friends/being surrounded by people, successful at work, etc.
Journaling Questions
Basically, poor body image is a case of ‘the grass is greener on the other side.’ You’re not happy with what you have now, but if you lose x amount of weight, it’ll be better.
9 times out of 10, it’s NOT better. The grass isn’t always greener… So what are you looking for, and how can you assume responsibility for your happiness without waiting for your body to change?
Maybe the question is: what’s at stake if I take responsibility for my life? If I truly tell myself ‘no one’s going to do it for me,’ then how is that threatening or scary?
Other questions you can journal about can include:
What is it like for you to exist in this world?
What is it like for you to take up space?
What is it like for you to have needs and desires?
Often, poor body image includes intense feelings of disgust and shame. How do you respond to those uncomfortable emotions?
I don’t expect you to have the answers today, but these are great questions to start to think about.
Feelings of Shame
When it comes to uncomfortable emotions like anger, guilt, and shame, the question we should ask ourselves is how we interact with those emotions. Do we have the capacity to feel shame? For so many people, shame isn’t a feeling they can even access. For many of you reading, it’s probable there are many times you’re feeling shame and you’re not even aware of it.
So why are these feelings intolerable, and what would it be like to experience them?
The point of working toward accepting your body is to be able to tolerate really uncomfortable emotions: disappointment, regret, and shame. Can you tolerate those feelings? Once you can, that’s how you work toward accepting your body. Until you can make space for those feelings, body acceptance won’t happen.
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Tweetable Quotes
“Once you can tolerate uncomfortable emotions, that to me is working toward accepting your body.” – Rachelle Heinemann
Resources
Understanding Disordered Eating episodes:
10. Social Media, Societal Pressure, Disordered Eating, and Poor Body Image
55. ANNIVERSARY EPISODE! My Signature Approach to Eating Disorders
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